Its Friday night, and this week straight up ripped. I think I just convinced myself to be upbeat all week and it worked. I just sold myself on the idea that everything was awesome. In the moments at work, where in the past, I might've groaned and said"Aw man this sucks. Too bad its Monday..." I just said to myself and people around me "Like dude, its Monday, lets make it happen, lets make it worth being here today." I was talking to more people than normal and it was all just an easy little mental switch. Like I faked it for about half of Monday and it took over the second half of Monday and has lasted all week. Feels like I am back, I might've been in a funk there for awhile. Maybe a year, maybe a couple months, hard to tell being the individual who feels a little down. I am definitely happy and can see myself becoming the person I want to be. Meaning I am setting the principles by which I want to live by. Its hard trying to figure out how you want to be. I think the best people just keep evolving, never satisfied with who they are. They appreciate who they are, but keep looking forward a couple years ahead, trying to reach who they ultimately will never become.
My outlook on work has changed for the better as well. I think I found a way to make it worthwhile, and make an opportunity for myself. I am now available to get into a 5-8 month apprenticeship in another department. Maybe in event coordination, or in administration. I think one thing I like is planning things. Planning the next adventure, I find joy in the preparation itself. Planning a party, and executing. Might be a path I might explore. Excited to only have one week left on the swing shift and to have my schedule parallel Cheyenne's. One thing I think I need to work on is others sensitivity, not just in work, but in life. I am obviously more reserved at work, but it makes me laugh how sensitive people are and how we must tip toe around saying what we really feel. Maybe its because I dealt with contractors and more rough type people in past work where you can just call people out on their bullshit or shortcomings. I am a straight to the point type of guy, if I have a question I ask it. I point out what it is even if it might hurt someone. If I am going to be happy in a more sensitive workplace, I think I need to understand that is how people operate. It just makes me wonder why people get so upset over such little things. It also makes me laugh because at work, the biggest shortcoming is communication (like most team settings), yet there is no true open dialogue. Work was awesome all week, but someone took a box cutter to their wrist on accident today and holy lord it looked like a murder scene and the blood trail was easily 50 meters long. It was really brutal and hard to watch happen. Kid is about 22 and he was pale as a ghost when the EMTs rolled him out of the building. Ive never seen someone loose than much blood so most of Friday was a little bit eerie.
Listened to some really cool podcasts as well this week while working. The one that stood out most to me was a conversation between Joe Rogan (who i'm not the biggest fan of) and Colin O'Brady. Colin is a legendary adventure type guy. He was the first person to solo walk across Antartica, he rowed across the deadliest sea in the world, The Drake Passage, he climbed the 7 summits within about a year. Just a super crazy guy who I kind of look up to. He talked about his adventures but one little bit really touched a note with my thinking about life. He had this idea about a 1 to 10 scale. The scale is about joy, so a 1 would be like someone you loved died, or something bad happening. A 10 would be like you just got married, or just having one of those true joy moments. One of those moments where its miles above happiness, that joy that brings you to tears. That is the 10. Here is O'Brady's theory: most average people exist in the 4-6 range. They might be happy when something good happens like their team wins a game, call that a 6. Or they might have a crappy day at work, their boss yelled at them, but it doesnt matter to them because they dont really like their job. Thats a 4. People get comfortable and cozy and they risk nothing. Why not risk it? Its because of the fear of having a day where its a "1". His idea is that without the 1 days you dont get the days where you score a 10. I can attest to that. Its in those days where it sucks, its a grind, and its painful, but its the 1 days that change you. You benefit from those crappy or hard days. You can play it safe, but why do that. If you read Dalton's blog before this you know that what Im saying echos this. A clear example of this was on our Kayak trip. You'd think it would be romantic to go out in the sea and kayak along with sea lions, otters, and your best friends. You'd be right. But it wore away quickly for us. A lot of those days were some of the hardest grinds I have ever experienced. I think we all cried at some point out of frustration or just pain. It was brutal, but eventually we had enough days (none of them were a 1, there were 1 moments, and some of the days were truly 2 or 3's) where we made it to Anderson Island. It was one of the most blissful moments of my life, a real unexpected 10. Laying in the sun and eating hot dogs. That trip was over 8 months ago and I have yet to sleep as hard as I did that afternoon. In retrospect that whole trip was a 10. It was in the hard moments, in the grind, where the true joy was found. It did not seem like it in the moment, only after did I realize this fact.
I rode my bike down the SEL at night, a barn owl flew overhead with me for 10 seconds. We were perfectly synchronized in our speed and direction. That was likely the most special moment I have had in some time here in Pullman. So unique and I gave myself that opportunity by cycling everyday to and from work. It was a nice way to be validated.
Cheyenne is in Portland this weekend for a roller derby tournament. I am very excited for her, she is living out her dream. She is a lot more methodical than I am when it comes to stuff like that. She has been fully committed to derby from day one though. This is big for her, I know she imagined going on team trips before she ever really got involved. I am excited to her about all the things she and her friends got up to in that funky town down in OR.
I have limited Saturday plans. Dalton is doing me a big favor this weekend which might result in Chey and I coming to the west side next weekend. I also hope to go skiing and snowboarding with Sarah, Alyssa, and Kayla this weekend down in the Blue Mountains just north of Oregon. Tickets are really cheap in the inland NW.
I didnt clean up that garbage yet near the bridge I ride by every day. Need to get to it. Just trying to be more purposeful. Pullman is turning me into the ultimate granolie.
If youre out there and reading this, stay livin'
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